Wednesday, 23 April 2014

If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come and sit with me...

At present it is difficult to feel positive about much. I am mired in negative thoughts, and the milk of human kindness has gone rather sour. There are various reasons for this, none of which do me any credit.

Having my daughter, my grandchildren and a friend of my daughter kept me very busy. She used my car a lot, and so I shopped locally. My son and his boys joined us, and it was good to be together, and to do things with them and my grandchildren. My grandson and I made raspberry sorbet twice. And it got gobbled up very quickly, and we also had a good time making Bolognese sauce. He is interested in cooking, and seemed to enjoy our sessions, and being shown the how and why of it all. And as I do not have any talent with Lego, machines or weapons, it was very pleasant to concentrate on the simple pleasures of how to make good food.

In between all this I flew to attend the funeral of my sister. Most of the Melbourne family went there too. It was a good funeral, with several hundred people attending, and showing the affection and respect  they all had for her and her family. She lived closer to them than I did, and do, and thus they all saw each other far more frequently than I was able to do. Thus I did feel isolated and out of it all. And sad and unhappy for all sorts of reasons and emotions, many of which do me absolutely no credit. Not that such reflections give me any comfort whatsoever, but rather make me feel a failure and less than totally lovable.

Ther does not seem to be much I can do about this, other than to become even more separate. Not from my children and grandchildren, though.

The lymphoedema does not help. The arm is getting better, but it remains a long haul. I did have a check up for the pacemaker, and all is going pretty well. The doctors accept that hospital negligence caused the lymphoedema, and have taken preventative measures for the future. But it is depressing, nonetheless.

I saw the physiotherapist today - so much of my time seems to be taken by various health matters - and the amount of fluid in the arm is greatly reduced. She has taken new measurements and is ordering a new pressure sleeve and glove. They certainly don't help you to look fashionable or well-dressed.

But to end on a brighter note, there has been a second hand book and CD fair and I have succumbed to a number of book purchases.  However, the amplifier for the downstairs radio and CD equipmrnt seems to have expired. I have tried to ensure it was all correctly plugged in - grandsons do tend to fiddle - but to no avail.

 I seem to be living in an environment and condition of declining infrastructure. Oh dear.


Elephant's Child said...

Ouch. Emotions can be a tricky beast. And they aren't a reflection of your intrinsic worth. Let them come, let them go. Hugs.
When are you next coming up this way?

Pam said...

Oh dear, that sounds so sad. I hope you're feeling a bit more positive now. I do sympathise, though. It's rubbish to feel that way and so hard to rationalise it all sometimes. I recommend tea and chocolate and perhaps P G Wodehouse (or whatever makes you laugh) and just waiting till the blues lift a bit. Sigh.