Much too much

I don't know if I can keep going. My ebb is as low as it has ever been, and my thoughts are dire, distraught, distressed, dreadful and depressing. I feel I want to die. It is too hard.

Vixen came here while I was out, and carried off Dr P's  legal documents. I know what they are, but of course Dr P does not. I asked him did Vixen ask about anything, and he thought she did, but could not remember what. Well, I said, documents are missing from your files. What sort of documents? he asked. The sort of documents which she could use...he looked mystified.

She does not know about the one I can use, which is put away in what I hope is a safe place.

I knew she was here, because the carer phoned to let me know, and that she'd gone into Dr P's study. When I checked the filing cabinet, these documents were missing.

She left me a note, in unaccustomedly honeyed tones, giving details of her family's overseas trip, and of her sister's (the WSD) visit a couple of weeks from now. It would be 'an ideal time' for me to be able to go away. Yeah! Opportunity for mice to play - but rats and vermin more likely.

Sorry, not going anywhere.

I cannot sleep, or eat (not that that is doing me any harm, at least some weight has been coming off, and I feel like giving up, totally.

My brother in law said he would telephone Vixen, as I felt incapable of doing so, but I have not heard from him yet.

I could care for Dr P cheerfully and lovingly, as I have been doing, but I absolutely cannot cope with this sort of tension and enmity. What could possible be worth it?