Saturday, 23 July 2011


Apart from it being windy, cold and wet, the wettest July ever, or in living memory, it seems, and the fact that (surprise?) the Murdoch empire has been shown to be remarkably corrupt, things here are lying rather dormant. Or can you say 'rather' dormant? I use the word because, although things are being done, it is all preparation, hard work, tedious checking, painful composition, losing things and taking forever to find them, and hoping this is all to some purpose, and will achieve the desired result. And who can say?

I am having to copy documents, double check everything, try and hold it all in my mind, and set it out as clearly as possible. It is not at all enjoyable, of course, but must be endured.

I have zapped off a draft for scrutiny and now await feedback. It is likely that many more hours of revision and clarification will be needed.

It is rather worrying that I keep losing things. We had asked the executors what they wanted done about a particular account. They did not reply, but the direct debit bounced. I can only conclude that the credit card has been cancelled, and that they do not wish me to continue this account. So I have now cancelled it. To do so without penalty I have to supply a certified copy of the death certificate. It took me several hours of repetitive and increasingly frantic searching before my tired brain reluctantly dredged up a memory of putting all these documents in quite another place altogether. Why did I put them downstairs in the sideboard, I hear you cry? God knows. I have been out to the stationery shop to get more plastic folders, so that I can have yet another (and I hope not totally futile) attempt to keep my papers in order. At these times I wonder, and probably not without cause, whether I have incipient dementia. My children, just don't answer this query. I don't want the answer to this. Not yet, anyway. And probably none of you are ready to care for me in my declining will probably in due course have to gird your loins, etcetera....

I managed to cancel another account, and after having to get very stroppy with the unfortunate person on the other end of the phone, she checked with their administration section and discovered that the account had already been cancelled. She enquired whether I wished to have it transferred into my name. Unable to contemplate the horrific possibility of ever having to go through their menu system ever again, I declined. Now I have to work out another telephone plan. I need first to gird my loins and grit my teeth. And probably embark on psychological counselling first. What I really need (are you out there, my children?) is an offspring who can do it all for me. But they are pretty busy themselves. And I am a grown up person. Allegedly independent and capable. Ha.

Well, I rang up, and fortunately, this particular telephone service was quite reasonable and helpful to deal with. So rather than stuff around indefinitely, and floundering around trying to choose a plan, I just opted for one. I had discovered that having cancelled the previous account, I could not make any interstate phone call. I could still make local calls. Just why this is so escapes my understanding. It will be a couple more days before I can ring interstate.

No wonder people have secretaries and accountants. It seems that one should write down every single fact and circumstance, never throw anything away, and have a master list of where things have been - or should have been - put. And thus not have to rely on an already overburdened memory, which actually used to be pretty damn good. There is enough to worry about without the fear of dementia. Maybe I should use my iPod and write down every single thing I do? I'd probably then misplace the iPod.

Then there is bad typing. My fingers keep hitting the wrong keys and inserting more letters than the words in question actually possess. Many more letters, in fact. Mostly Gs.To some extent I can blame the iMac keyboard, but the real reason is me.

I have had some feedback from my BIL. Unfortunately, he sent it to me in handwritten form on my draft, but he emailed it to me in PDF format and it is upside down. I cannot discover a way (is there one?) to turn it the right way up, so have had to print it out, and not all his comments are legible.  It all has to be done promptly, as in about ten days we will be in court for the preliminary hearing. My heart is sinking and gloom pervades my every pore.

There is this to be said about dreadful weather, ie, that there is very little incentive to go outside.

In the meantime I have been going to our dress rehearsals. The concert is tomorrow and it seems it will be a good performance. The music now seems to sing itself, and it is wonderful to be  able to let the high notes fly. I do love being a soprano. Even if no one else does, I like the sound of my own voice. Tell that to the judge.


Frances said...

Persiflage: please trust me on this: it is your anxiety that is causing the memory loss etc., not creeping dementia. It's a well recognised phenomena.
All will be well.

persiflage said...

Thanks, Frances. I am only too happy to trust you on this. Such reassurance is very helpful indeed.

Anonymous said...

I am an incorrigible organiser. For me, the key is to keep everything labelled and in the same place. I keep an 'in tray' on my desk and once a month or similar I file it all away. The best thing for you right now is to make sure you keep everything labelled and within easy reach. Good luck.

In Adobe Reader, choose View at the top, then Rotate View, and the appropriate direction. Of course, if you have a different PDF reader, these instructions are useless.

Hope the concert tomorrow goes well.

Friko said...

Sorry to see that you are still being persecuted by officialdom. My friend lost her husband over a year ago and she still doesn't have probate. And her husband left everything in perfect order.

I am glad you had the leisure to follow the Murdoch saga; I am rubbing my hands in glee over it.

And go on, let the songs flow, music helps. I know.

Yes, I was having a laugh with my story. I'd have preferred to see the girls winning but there you are. You can't have everything. I like gruesome endings.

VioletSky said...

I hope your concert went well and that all the proper notes were hit with wild abandon!

Really, I wouldn't worry about dementia. Anxiety and exhaustion are wreaking havoc, with wild abandon, on your poor mind and body.
And they - out in the universe, working on our various accounts - have a habit of changing the rules on a whim with nary a word to the wise (us, in the real world).

Pam said...

I'm sure it's not dementia, only stress. Much like pregnancy brain failure, I'd think. You've had such a lot to cope with.

I feel just the same as you do about singing. Such joy!

molly said...

Good you have your singing so you can forget about the other for a while!