Saturday, 5 June 2010

Not exactly scintillating

It has not been a good week. All sorts of things have made me angry and miserable. Memories of my past pound at me incessantly, and are difficult to banish. Everything that happened last week gave me a bad reaction, and it feels as though I surface to gasp for for a little air, but to no avail. Perhaps I let myself sink into these memories and reactions. Consciously, I do not want to. Maybe I have a very stubborn and relentless subconscious. I hate feeling like this. I want to cheer up.

A physiotherapist came last week and tested Dr P, and told him to do a couple of simple exercises. Surprise, surprise, Dr P is not doing them. I tell him if he does not do them he will be in the old people's home before he knows it. Prospects of present pain are evidently more powerful than a dire and dismal future. I hate feeling that I am nagging, and that I am almost required to nag. The physiotherapist will be here again early tomorrow morning, to assess Dr P's getting out of bed.

Dr P's blood tests show he has deficiencies of both Vitamin D and B12.

Having to repeat everything about four times gets very tedious.

By what strange quirk does it happen that Dr P remembers that that a timer bell has gone off, tells me so twice, but forgets my reply?

There was an influx of Dr P's family this weekend. One of the overseas daughters was here for the weekend, and her sister and family came to visit too. Such visits give me even more things to brood about.

It was my daughter's birthday on Sunday. Yet again I was not there to help her celebrate.

My brother has prostate cancer. It is apparently low grade.

My older sister M, the one with dementia, rang me up to wish me a happy birthday. She sounded quite cheerful and lucid, but my birthday is not for another month, just before hers. Does she think hers is in another few days, I wonder?

Sister 3, A, is waiting to become a grandmother, and is both anxious and excited. She will assist with the labour. The baby is due tomorrow. It is apparently a large baby. I am crocheting a cot blanket, which won't be ready in time, and indeed, I am not sure that it is the sort of thing my niece-in-law likes. I will send a photo so they can decide, and if they don't like it I will put it aside for someone else.

It rained for most of the week. While this is a Good Thing, and we need the rain, the dams need more water, etc, the absence of sunlight keeps the spirits low. Just ask the Swedes. The back door swells with the water, despite having been fixed, and we cannot use it.

God give me patience, I cry, but so far it has not arrived. I need to get out my bottle of blessings, and count them.


molly said...

There, there! Take lessons in Tai Chi, if you have a chance---very soothing and good for you, both mentally and physically! Hope the sun peeps out soon!
Maybe we could arrange for Dr.P to meet my f-i-l, since misery reportedly loves company?

Pam said...

Oh dear, poor you. I'll send you some lily of the valley... (wicked laugh, he he he) in return for some agapanthus?

(I'm a fussy eater. Sorry. I know it's bad. But not in people's houses. I eat what I'm given.)

Relatively Retiring said...

It's hardly surprising that you feel bad. If you could shake off that weight of difficulty you'd be one of those awful people who is endlessly cheerful and positive, when there's really very little to trigger either positivity or cheerfulness.
On the other hand, you could be incredibly irritating to others by fixing an insincere smile!

Anonymous said...

Oh dear.
Deep breathing? I could say 'this too shall pass' but you may want to swat me....

Meggie said...

I feel anger on your behalf for those daughters of Dr P.
The sun has been welcome, but oh! the cold...