Tuesday, 31 December 2013

What the Morrow brings

The End of the Year is upon us. Tonight there will be many fireworks to welcome the New Year.  From the roundabout on the main street there is a view of the Harbour Bridge, and so at 9 pm I will wander up there - two minutes away - and watch, along with the young people at the local pub and lots of families, who will carry their children on the shoulders, all the better to see the fireworks from. Cameras will be flashing, competing with the fireworks. I have tried in previous years to take photos, on the special setting, but they are never any good. Except to look at occasionally and contemplate past New Years. I may wander down to a local viewing spot to see the fireworks at midnight. No point staying home and trying to sleep. So many people walk past after midnight that sleep is not possible. Cars. other than those of residents, are not permitted entry to this peninsula, and there are barriers set up to block entry, and lots of officials to check permits. Shanks pony and buses rule.  It takes quite a long time for all the people to walk past, so it will be well into the early hours before they are all on their way home.

Newspapers and numerous pundits ponderously pontificate on the future and the past. And I suppose we all review what we have done, what was not done, and what might happen next. I do a lot of this sort of musing, not that it leads, as yet, to any conclusions, resolutions or decisions. Just a lot of pondering. Where will I be, what will I do, and how might the future work out? None of us knows for sure.

My middle child, my second daughter, and her children are moving. For them it is a good move, the right thing, better for her and the children: better to remove from the difficult situation and a bad relationship, better for her work.  She, and they, will do well, and I applaud her fortitude, her ability
 to make such decisions and to set about making a better life for herself, her career, and for her children.

Yet I feel bereft. I will see much less of them and they are the ones I have been closest to. Much thought will be needed about my own future.  I have felt very alone - indeed, I am alone - isolated and irrelevant to much of the family, and cheerfulness and fortitude evade me.  It is all a struggle. I hope I can come to a more resolute, cheerful and optimistic frame of mind.

In the meantime and for the future, I wish all and sundry, those near and far, those of you I know only through the ether, a happy New Year, and may you all feel the sunlight on your back.


Elephant's Child said...

Sunshine and comfort to you too. New directions perhaps, new confidence in yourself...
Hugs. I will be on the phones tonight, and will see the fireworks in review tomorrow. This is such a hard time of year for so many.

Stomper Girl said...

We'll be walking up a hill to watch fireworks too, but yours will probably be better. Sydney does win the fireworks! I hope 2014 is a better year for us all. Love you Cx.