Let's talk about the weather, and what it does

Not for very long, though. It is COLD! Canberra and Adelaide were very cold. Melbourne was mild, but, back home in Sydney, the mild spell is over and I have had to turn on the heating. My fingers are cold, my shoulders tense up as I try not to shiver.

But the camellias have started to flower. In Canberra flowering does not start until early spring. My sasanqua camellia has been flowering for weeks, and is nearing the end of its season. When I got home there were several open blooms on my pink camellia japonica (which was planted so long ago that I can't remember its name, and the red one, which has struggled since it was planted to survive a couple of searing summers, has a gorgeous and perfect flower. I did what I seldom do - I picked them and they are floating in a couple of bowls. They are thawing slightly a part of my sad and frozen heart.

Usually I buy flowers at the local produce market, but, having been away, I have had no flowers in the house for weeks now. Dr P always thought it was a total waste of money to buy flowers, but eventually he gave up grumbling out loud about it.

Before I moved here, I seldom bought flowers, as there was usually something to pick from my garden. Here there is so little room that the only things which bloom rampantly are the self-sown nasturtiums, the red and green alstroemerias (which drop sticky stuff around), the rather insignificant flowers of the lemon verbena, and the Chinese star jasmine.

I generally buy liliums, or alstroemerias of the hybridised kind.They last well. Sometimes I lash out and get the Asiatic scented liliums. Some people do not like the scent, but I think it is delectable.

I think that once I know what I am doing, ie where I will be living, I will plant something in memory of Dr P. Something flamboyant and argumentative, and spectacularly gorgeous. I can't get him a memorial rose: I never managed to grow roses at all successfully. It will have to be able to thrive anywhere, and be something long-lived. If I stay here, a rampant scarlet bougainvillea could be just the thing. If elsewhere, a strong informal double red camellia could be a good choice. Or a blazing red callistemon.

For myself, I'd like a formal double camellia. If I get through the next year, I think something beautiful and perfect might be merited: as a recognition of my attempts to be a good and loving person, and a kind of absolution for past errors, omissions and failures.