Wednesday, 2 February 2011

My emptier house

Here I sit at home by myself. Dr P is in hospital. Although we struggled through the weekend, by Monday afternoon, Dr P went up to his room early, in case he could not get there later.  He had his meal there, and then his medicine and we hoped he would settle for the night.

Again, he was in considerable pain, and wanting more and more pain relief. Nothing seemed to give him more than very slight relief. When I went to him in the morning, his head and shoulders were on the mattress and the rest of his body out of the bed with his feet on the floor, and he was unable to move. I checked how many more pills he had taken, and it was more than I felt  was advisable. while I had not left him any of the stronger ones, he still had paracetamol and tranquillisers. Because he used to be a general practitioner he still thinks he knows it all and does not listen to or heed arguments, statements or facts to the contrary. He is exceedingly stubborn and obstinate.

I walked up to the surgery and my GP was already there, and so we briefly discussed the situation. She confirmed my opinion that he should go to hospital. Accordingly I rang for the ambulance and they came within a short time and took him to hospital. I followed by car.

There followed a long day, during which his pain was evidently very severe. I had to leave him to visit a nursing home, which does have a respite care vacancy available. In between being with Dr P I kept phoning about places. Eventually the Emergency people arranged to send Dr P to our local hospital, which these days does not function as a comprehensive hospital, but which does have rehabilitation and a few other functions. There do seem to be a number of old and decrepit people there. Dr P is in a four bed ward.

Today he is much more comfortable. He's had urinary retention so that is being treated and the cause investigated. He will be there for some days - no one is mentioning how long, but his hospitalisation will give me the time and breathing space to investigate options and places for nursing home care.

When I got home, about 6.30 pm, there was a telephone message from Vixen proposing to visit her father the next day. I rang her and told her about the crises and the hospitalisation and the likely consequences. She told her sisters, so I had a couple of phone calls and email messages last night. This morning I sent them all a comprehensive account, and have had replies from two of them. Vixen went to the hospital last night but her father was asleep. The staff told me this morning that she had been there, and had wanted to be informed of all his medical details and to be involved in the arrangement for his discharge. I agreed to the medical  information being provided, but not to her having any involvement in his discharge or subsequent care.  The social worker and I have talked and she knows my reasons, and was horrified by what she was told. I am next of kin, and none of them has rights over his care and future.

There were many phone calls to make last night, to notify my children and my sisters. My brother in law talked to me, and he rang this evening to report on his conversation today with Dr P's solicitor, aimed at warding off any further nefarious moves by the stepdaughters,  during which he disclosed the obtaining of the cash assets. I hope they all get a huge fright,  spokes in their works, and of course their just deserts.

I have seen my GP, and this afternoon a friend and I visited a local nursing home. Dr P is now on their waiting list, but it will indeed be a wait.

The bed sheets have all been washed and changed, and the house tidied a little. In between all the comings and goings, the researching and the fact-finding, and the decisions, I must come to terms with all the changes in our lives, and what is in all probability, for practical purposes, the end of our lives together. Relief and grief are mixed, with much anxiety about the future, but the absence of the immediate physical caring responsibilities and tasks does relieve much of the tension.

Overwhelmingly, I feel so very sad.


Mary said...

Just wanted to let you know that I am really feeling for you ..I hope there are some peaceful moments in amongst the hard ones..

Relatively Retiring said...

There comes a point where it is the right thing to hand over - for both your sakes.
I hope you can get some real rest, even if only for a short while.

Elisabeth said...

Relief and grief intermixed, Persiflage. It's such a hard road to follow with all these mixed feelings.

I hope it gets eases up for you soon.

Stomper Girl said...

Will call you in the morning. I got the message about this half an hour ago, too late to call. Bad Fixit.

molly said...

Hugs to you Persi.....

Pam said...

Oh dear, what a sad situation. But you can't possibly cope on your own like that. I hope that the relief is at least balancing the grief. Get some rest.

SoulDragon said...

A moment to let you know I am thinking of you. My sisters and I went through this with my Dad - and I can relate to the feelings of relief and grief. You must be emotionally exhausted. I do hope you yourself are able to take some respite and things will get better for you. Hugs to you and Dr P - hope he has some freedom from pain very soon.

Meggie said...

I do feel for you! I have been undergoing something similar, but not nearly as urgent, as your dilemma.
I sent hugs, and many good vibes your way.XX