Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Dies illa - the visitation comes.

Tomorrow the WSD and family arrive in Australia. They are staying with friends, and we do not know yet when we will see them. There was a phone call the other day from her husband - presumably he rang in case I answered the phone. I did - I am the able bodied person who does all the work around here. I put the phone on speaker, and gave it to Dr P, and then the daughter came to the phone. She was quite monosyllabic.

It would be good to say I feel relaxed and comfortable about this visit, but it would not be true. I feel sick with apprehension, although I am trying hard not to go over the whole sorry history in my mind, and am determined to stick to a strategy to handle whatever might arise.

She might be surprised to see me, as Dr P told her I was going to Canberra. I am, but not till Saturday, as I have to take Dr P to a medical appointment, and as he is getting very forgetful, I need to know what is said and done. Yesterday I consulted my psychologist about advisable strategies, and we decided that it would be best not to refer to the exchange of letters, but to be at home in my own home and act as the lady of the house, perhaps remarking how sensible it was of them to decide to stay elsewhere, because of Dr P's finding it difficult these days to have house guests. We will see how it goes! I certainly do not intend to rehash the whole affair, or to be trapped into defending myself. I hope I can stick to that resolution. I'd really like just to hibernate for the duration. I will be observing the conversational dynamics, and expect that it will be one-way and not at all reciprocal.

There was confusion about the date of this doctor's appointment. Initially they said Thursday, then said Friday 31 July. So that is what we wrote down. Then yesterday we got a reminder call saying Thursday, so I rang to check his morning and they said, Yes, it is indeed Thursday. This means I had to cancel an arrangement to go to a dress rehearsal, and nor can I go to the Thursday art history lecture.

It would be really nice if Dr P was prepared to stand up for me, and tell her to treat me with respect, but this won't happen. He is all too ready to assume I am in the wrong.

SD 3 arrives Friday morning, and by arrangement she will stay with us and keep an eye on her father, allowing me to have some time off.

4 comments:

Isabelle said...

Oh dear, poor you. Just keep biting your lip and smiling, maybe??? And complain to us! Your bloggy friends are very sympathetic.

Colyton Church - parts of it date from Norman times, ie 1066 and all that, though lots of it is more modern.

Frogdancer said...

I can almost hear a Wagnerian soundtrack through all of that.
Good luck!

Molly said...

Families are sometimes more difficult to deal with than strangers! I'm with Isabelle and the psychologist. Keep to the high ground, bite your lip and be the gracious hostess, even if your guests don't know how to be gracious in return... Best of luck!

rhubarbwhine said...

Oh dear. Maybe this is a place you can vent, safely, while we 'listen' ?